TL;DR
- Slipping back into old habits doesn’t mean you’ve failed. It means you’re human. The old paths in your brain are worn deep... new ones take time to forge.
- When you notice you’ve slipped, the worst thing you can do is spiral into shame. The best thing you can do is follow these six steps and get moving again immediately. Because catching the slip is already the win.
My mindset coach asked me something the other day that stopped me cold.
“Why are you allowing people no longer in your life to control your thoughts, actions, and feelings of being good enough?”
I couldn’t give her a satisfactory answer. Because she was right. I’d slipped back into old ways of thinking... let my newly built habits go. Time to get back off that worn-out nag and back onto my shiny new pony.
It’s easy, when things aren’t going perfectly or you make a mistake, to slide back into old patterns. The doubts, the fears, the inner critic... those are old paths worn deep into your brain. New tracks take time to forge deeply enough that you stop falling back into them.
So what do you do when you’ve noticed you’ve fallen back into old patterns?
First: stop. Take a breath. Then follow these six steps.
Short on Time? Quick Action Steps:
- Skip the shame, blame, and guilt - forgive yourself first
- Treat yourself like you'd treat a friend in the same situation
- Acknowledge your feelings and fears - don't bottle them
- Work on your mindset - journal what triggered the slip
- Keep moving forward - don't wait until tomorrow
- Remind yourself why you're making this change
1. Skip the Shame, Blame, and Guilt
One slip — or several — doesn’t mean your entire plan has gone up in smoke. It doesn’t mean you have to trash everything and start over. So stop beating yourself up.
Shaming, blaming, and guilting yourself isn’t going to make you feel better. You are not automatically a bad person or a failure because you slipped back into old habits. It just means you’re beautifully human and not perfect. And that’s okay.
Instead of latching onto the shame, get curious. Ask yourself what happened and why. What triggered the slip? Being aware of your triggers is one of the most powerful ways to change old thinking patterns... because once you know what’s causing the slip, you can work to stop letting those triggers control you.
2. Treat Yourself Like You’d Treat a Friend
How would you treat a friend who made a mistake? Would you berate them? Or would you be kind, caring, and compassionate?
I’m betting it’s the latter. So why are you being harder on yourself than you’d ever be on someone you care about?
It takes time to learn new behavior patterns. Some research suggests it takes anywhere from 21 to 66 days to form a new habit. For some it’s less. For others it’s longer. And that’s okay. Factors like how long you’ve followed the old pattern, what else is going on in your life, and your specific approach all affect the timeline.
Be gentle with yourself when you find yourself on the same old path again. Beating yourself up makes you feel worse at exactly the moment when self-compassion is what gets you back on track fastest. You slipped. You caught it. That’s a win. Do something that feels good — a cup of your favorite tea, a walk, a nap, a call with a friend — and then keep moving.
3. Acknowledge Your Feelings and Fears
One of the worst things you can do is bottle up, repress, or ignore your feelings, worries, and fears. It’s not only stressful — it’s harmful to your mental and physical health. And it tends to lead to the exact behaviors you’re trying to move away from.
Your brain is wired to protect you. Any change — even a positive one — is scary to your brain because it’s the unknown. That’s when the brain monkeys (your inner critic) start chattering. New, changing, different from what they already know — they don’t like any of it.
Acknowledging your feelings and fears now can stop a meltdown later. Understanding why the brain monkeys are chattering helps you work through the emotion in a positive way rather than letting it pull you back down the old path.
So be curious. Explore why the feeling is coming up. It’s just your inner voice, using old experiences to try to protect you. That’s okay — as long as you don’t believe every word they say, and keep moving forward anyway.
4. Work on Your Mindset
Mindset work isn’t a trend. It’s one of the most effective things you can do to reinvent your life into the one you actually want.
You can’t change your life without changing your thinking.
About the time you think you’ve got an old pattern conquered, it’s completely normal to slip in a weak moment. That’s not failure. That’s how brains work.
Journaling, meditating, affirmations, breathing exercises, coaching, visualizing, therapy, yoga, tai chi... these are all entry points into mindset work. Usually it’s a combination that works best for you personally. Finding your formula is the work. The only way to find it is to try things, notice what shifts something, and keep showing up even when your brain is resisting.
Pull out your journal when you slip. Spend a few minutes on what triggered it. Then shift your focus to the feelings and actions you want to be taking instead. That small pivot — from what went wrong to what you want next — is where the momentum starts.
5. Keep Moving Forward
Don’t wait until tomorrow to pick back up. Don’t wait until Monday, or the first of the month, or until you ‘feel ready.’ Pick up immediately where you slipped and keep going.
You haven’t failed. You caught yourself. Now focus on the next step — even if it’s tiny — and take it. Today you’re not the same person as yesterday. Small changes, consistently made, equal significant changes over time. Stop focusing on the so-called failure and focus on what’s next.
The new path gets forged by walking it. Every time you choose it instead of the old one, it gets a little deeper, a little more automatic. That’s how habits actually form.
6. Remind Yourself Why You’re Making the Change
Why did you want to change the old habit in the first place? Why don’t you want it in your life anymore?
Your ‘why’ is your most powerful motivator. When you’ve slipped, coming back to it is one of the fastest ways to reset. Spend ten minutes with it. Not in a guilt-spiral, but in genuine reconnection with what you’re building and why it matters to you.
And be open to the possibility that your ‘why’ might evolve. Goals and dreams flex and change as you grow. That’s not instability... that’s healthy development. What matters is that there’s always something worth moving toward.
The Takeaway
You are an incredible, complex, capable human being. You are not perfect. You will slip. And that’s okay.
It’s not the end. It’s not a reason to quit. It’s just a moment where the old path looked easier than the new one... and you took it.
Cut yourself some slack, refocus on your why, and act. Action comes before confidence. The new path gets forged by walking it... over and over, even when you have to start again.
Follow these six steps every time you slip and you’ll notice something shift: you’ll catch yourself faster. You’ll course-correct more easily. And the gap between the slip and getting back on track will get shorter every single time.
Don’t ever give up on your goals and dreams. You can always start again.
If you’re working on building new business habits — specifically the habit of investing in relationships consistently rather than sporadically — the Know Your System post is a useful next read. It’s the same principle applied to your professional relationships: the slip isn’t the problem, the absence of a system is. Read it here: Know Your System: How to Stop Losing Relationships to a Leaky Memory
| Want support building the habits that actually stick? Whether it’s the habit of showing up in conversations consistently, following up with the right people, or building a relationship system that compounds over time — this is exactly the kind of work we do together. Find out more by sending a direct message on LinkedIn. No pitch. Just a real conversation. |
Frequently Asked Questions
Why do I keep slipping back into old habits?
Because old habits are neural pathways worn deep through repetition. The new path exists, but it’s not yet as automatic as the old one. Your brain defaults to what it knows — not because you’re weak, but because efficiency is how brains are wired. Every time you catch the slip and choose the new path anyway, you deepen that new pathway. The slipping doesn’t mean the habit isn’t forming. It means you’re still in the forging phase.
How long does it take to break an old habit?
Research puts the range at roughly 21 to 66 days to form a new habit, but the honest answer is it varies significantly by person, habit, and circumstance. How long the old pattern was in place, what’s going on in your life, and how consistently you’re applying the new behaviour all affect the timeline. The most useful frame: stop measuring by days and start measuring by how quickly you catch the slip. When you notice faster and course-correct more easily, the habit is forming — regardless of the calendar.
How do I stop the shame spiral when I slip up?
Name it first. The shame spiral is usually triggered by the gap between who you think you should be and what just happened. Closing that gap starts with acknowledging that slipping is a normal part of habit formation — not evidence of failure. Ask yourself: would I say this to a friend who made the same slip? Almost always the answer is no. Apply the same compassion to yourself that you’d offer someone else. Then take one small action in the right direction. Movement breaks the spiral faster than thinking does.
What is the inner critic and how do I manage it?
The inner critic — or what Heidi calls the brain monkeys — is the internal voice that uses past experiences to warn you away from the unknown. It’s not malicious. It’s your brain’s protection mechanism. The problem is that it treats all change as threat, including positive change. Managing it starts with recognizing it for what it is: an old voice, not a current truth. Acknowledge what it’s saying, ask why it has those fears, and then make the choice to move forward anyway. The brain monkeys get quieter when you stop arguing with them and start proving them wrong through action.
Does this apply to business habits as well as personal ones?
Completely. The same mechanism that causes someone to slip on a fitness routine causes a business owner to stop following up consistently, let their relationship system slide, or fall back into reactive rather than intentional networking. The neural pathway principle doesn’t distinguish between personal and professional habits. The same six-step approach applies: skip the shame, get curious about the trigger, acknowledge the resistance, work on the mindset, take the next action, and reconnect with why the habit matters. The compound effect of consistent business habits — especially relationship-building ones — is where the biggest results live.
